I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed that a lot of people don’t even answer their phones, and others hesitate to reply to an email, while others have problems with direct communication and are avoiding this by writing lots of emails instead? For some reason, this seems safer and more comfortable. But is it good communication?

Staff in most businesses today are required more than ever to communicate with colleges and customers about things that are natural to talk about in each business or industry context. But the sad thing is that our communication skills can be so much better. Based on this fact, it’s not surprising that organizational experts claim that poor communication is the cause of a large number of organizational problems.

Most of us need to understand what effective communication means and what is required to develop good communication. We must also pay closer attention to the fact that many of us have not given it much thought; communication with different people requires different ways of communicating. 

Below are the main issues that should be included in a general communication skills development program:

1. Define communication – We have to ask what communication is, which purposes it has, as well as identify the fundamentals and various methods of communication.
2. Communicating with Different People – People are different, and our relationships are also different. You must learn to communicate effectively with supervisors, subordinates, colleagues, customers, vendors, your wife, your children, and your friends, etc.
3. Develop listening Skills – Training to be an active listener will develop a greater understanding of the other and thus improve your communication.
4. Developing speaking skills – to be a good speaker can be learned. Sometimes it is necessary to communicate by giving a speech.
5. Identify and avoid communication barriers – We must also learn to adjust our communication to suit different knowledge levels.
6. Improve communication via email – Effective communication via email is important today. This way of communication has grown tremendously, not only in working organizations but in almost all kinds of relationships.
7. Learn to build rapport with others.
8. One-on-one or groups – Identifying the differences with communicating to individuals and groups must be identified and practiced.
9. Using questions – come into the habit of asking questions to others when you’re not sure what he or she is saying. This will increase understanding and thus improve your communication skills.

There is a huge amount of information on the internet about these issues and how to improve your different communication skills. Most of this information is available for free. You only have to search on relevant keywords, and you will have access to big listings of websites and online documents.

The following six rules will help you communicate more effectively, reduce conflict in your organization, and become a better leader.

Rule #1: Organize your thoughts.

Jumbled thoughts lead to incoherent speech. Organizing your thoughts systematically is the first step to effective communication. You should be clear about the message you want to convey, and it is helpful to have a framework for the conversation. Communication is a dynamic process, so you need to organize and re-organize your thoughts accordingly as the conversation progresses. This presence of mind is essential.

Rule #2: Plan the conversation ahead of time.

When you think through a subject, try to envision what sort of reaction you will evoke. Plan out the different directions that the conversation may go, and prepare your ground accordingly. It helps to consider the personality and behavior of the person with whom you are dealing. How does s/he prefer to work, and what is his/her behavioral style? Answering these questions allows you to tailor your approach accordingly.

Rule #3: Be aware of your nonverbal signals.

Did you know much of our communication happens through nonverbal signals? The message you convey through your gestures, body language, and facial expressions will play a huge role in the response you elicit. For this reason, your verbal and nonverbal messages need to be consistent; otherwise, you will send mixed signals and not achieve the outcome you desire.

Rule #4: Be succinct.

As they say, less is more. This holds for communication as well. Your goal in communication is to convey a message and create a response. Emphasize your key points simply and respond to questions directly. Repeating yourself and reiterating your points will only detract from your message.

Rule #5: Demonstrate how the other person will benefit.

When you show how the other person will directly benefit from your offer, you are very close to convincing him/her. To do this, you must highlight the rewards of your offer and explain how they will improve his or her life. For example, instead of explaining that a new product is more efficient, you might emphasize how much time or money the customer will save. This is the fifth great rule for becoming a good communicator.

Rule #6: Be a good listener.

The importance of listening to the other party and understanding his/her viewpoint is often overlooked. Effective communication is a two-way process; if you adopt a one-way attitude, you will fail to create a rapport with your counterpart. By making the other person feel that you value their participation in the conversation and that you are addressing his/her needs, you make him/her much more willing to accommodate your position. In practice, this means that you must listen patiently and converse accordingly.

The root cause of the problem is effective communication. Surprisingly, a lot of communication is going well most of the time. However, if a communication problem happens, the question: what went wrong? Usually remains an unanswered question. There are plenty of books, articles, and websites dedicated to the problems of communication. Some give scientific evidence of communication barriers and obstacles but leave finding practical solutions to the reader. 

More practically oriented recipes are difficult to implement due to a lack of time and practice. For example, it has become common knowledge that it is important to be assertive in daily life. But how can one be assertive if he or she is an introvert by nature? On top of personality (extrovert versus introvert), there is the issue of culture: people from certain countries are simply less extrovert than from other countries.

Wouldn’t it be useful to have a simple formula of effective communication that can be used in all circumstances? I think the following formula would be helpful:

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION=

SELF-INTEREST + INTEREST OF OTHERS – DISTURBING FACTORS

OR

EC = SI + IO – DF

Let’s look at the three elements of this formula.

SELF-INTEREST

When people communicate, self-interest is probably the main reason for communication. One is far more interested in his or her interest than in the interests of others. The formula can be simplified even further by simply stating that communication is equal to self-interest. For this reason, communication is rarely effective because one is not trying to find a common ground in interaction processes but merely seeking a way to fulfill certain short-term interests. The most dominant problem in communication is probably asymmetry. The two parties in question are having different agendas and interests that are further complicated by asymmetries of knowledge, power, and authority. Negotiation skills and tactics have then become an important trait of modern civilization. In the old days, physical strength was the determining factor to force the other party to compromise. Thanks to civilization, consensus can now be reached by communication. This civilizing process is a shift from a “command and control” communication culture to a “negotiating and persuasion” culture.

This shift has resulted in a greater emphasis on the ability to effectively communicate verbally and non-verbally with each other. This also implies better education in which the development of dialogue skills has become the backbone of modern education. One is at a young age already required to be able to express their thoughts in-class presentations, essays, reports and not to mention in theses of various sorts in tertiary educational settings.

INTEREST OF OTHERS

The interest of others has probably been the most significant issue in many textbooks about effective communication. The ability to listen, get and give feedback, control anger or “anger management”, conflict resolution, stress management, etc., have been discussed to great lengths by many authors, scholars, management trainers, etc.

The problem is accommodating the interests of others has become more prevalent with the introduction of information technology and the ability to trade goods and services in cyberspace. True globalization has probably already occurred in cyberspace, where a global 24-hour economy has been created where everybody is exchanging goods, services, and information all over the world.

Everybody has become a customer! Look at the needs of others as your customer. This marketing concept was first used in transactional settings but was introduced in learning organizations and now has become an important concept in all corners of life.

The issue of discovering the interests of others has even been infiltrated by non-scientific ‘tools’ like astrology, numerology, and tarot cards. Before the discovery of these tools, one was still utilizing scientific tools offered by psychologists ranging from psychoanalysis, conversation analysis, transactional analysis, and the sort resulting in various therapies which might be effective depending on the willingness of the buyer to take it seriously or not.

How can one discover the interests of others? This requires a proactive approach from both parties. Two strategies might be helpful. The first strategy is called the PAIR approval strategy: Placate (listen, empathize, respond with concern); Attend (to the other); Investigate (circumstances details of issue); Resolve (decide on the action to take). The second strategy is called the five-step method: listen, respond, decide on an action, take action and follow up.

DISTURBING FACTORS

The third element of effective communication is probably the most difficult one: how to eliminate disturbing factors or how to overcome communication barriers. There are six types of barriers between people communicating with each other: differences in perception, incorrect filtering, language problems, poor listening, differing emotional states, and differing backgrounds. 

To overcome these barriers, one must be willing to:

1. Avoid selective perception. 
2. Condense messages to the bare essentials. 
3. Use specific and accurate words possible. 
4. Always verify the interpretation of what has been said.
5. Be aware of the feelings that arise in yourself and others.
6. Attempt to control them.

Communication barriers also exist within organizations. Although all communication is subject to misunderstandings, business communication is particularly difficult. Barriers can be caused by: information overload, message complexity, message competition, differing status, lack of trust, inadequate communication structures, incorrect choice of medium, closed communication climate, unethical communication, inefficient communication, and physical distractions.

Three distinct moments can cause many communication barriers in organizations; during negotiations, when dealing with customers, and holding meetings. When you are negotiating, psychological barriers may arise. These psychological barriers may be yours or may belong to the other party. Be aware that people carry some of these barriers and ‘listen’ for their effects. Look for signs of them in the other party (and in yourself) and use your communication skills to ease or lower these barriers. Dealing with customers, in turn, can be very hard because some customers are hard to please, and difficult situations can arise. If a high level of service is not provided, the result will not only be loss of business but often an increase in the number of difficult and even abusive customers. They have not yet been lost. Deal with them professionally. The negotiating process, finally, demonstrates a fundamental tension between the claiming and creating of value. Value claimers view negotiations purely as an adversarial process. Each side’s stride tries to claim as much of a limited pie as possible by giving the other side as little as possible. Each party claims value through the use of manipulative tactics, forcible arguments, limited concessions, and hard bargaining. 

Value creators, in contrast, call for a process that results in joint gains to each party. They try to create additional benefits for each side in the negotiations. They emphasize shared interests, developing a collaborative relationship, and negotiating pleasantly and cooperatively.

CONTACT ME

Communication is like a dance where we lead and follow, give and receive, speak and listen, create and accept. Through this dance, we can come to master ourselves. First, though, we must take responsibility for how our communication lands in someone else’s universe. It doesn’t help the dance, nor does it reflect well on the dancers when one partner blames another for missteps. It takes two to tango.

Effective communication is more than just saying what’s on your mind, and it bridges worlds! It requires active expression, listening, information processing, flexibility, and awareness. Communication is most effective when two people seamlessly align and become one in mind.

How many different ways are there to express the same thing? When a child in grade school is taught to say, “May I use that, please,” instead of, “Give me that,” how does it change a playmate’s response?

We use different words, and we can also adjust our tone, inflection, and volume. On a sports field, it may be acceptable to project our voice, whereas in a library it is more appropriate to communicate quietly. It’s amazing how minor changes in how we communicate lead to profound changes in how people respond.

Much of communication is, in fact, nonverbal, including pauses, body language, and awareness. When the totality of our communication is congruent with what we wish to express, the response we get will be most aligned with our desired outcomes. If our body language, tone, or volume doesn’t match our words, then we are less likely to achieve the results we desire.

Self-Mastery and Communication

If you have difficulty communicating or find yourself dissatisfied with your results, investigate the reasons and remember that we are always empowered to create the change we wish to see in the world. At Niurka Inc., we teach our team members and clients many tools including mirroring and matching, how to frame communication and how to build rapport.

Effective Communication Produces Effective Responses

Resistant responses reflect that we are communicating with resistance.

We have all heard someone say, “So and so is impossible to communicate with.” What they are communicating is that they lack the skill to align with, and fully move a person to action through their communication.

Masters of influence and communication don’t label people as being stubborn or slow, impossible or stupid. These masters are aware of their partner’s mode of communication and flexible enough to adjust to that person’s way of communicating.

Truly successful people take ownership for the results their communication produces because they recognize that they are empowered to create the change they want. They are conscious of how the responses they receive are a reflection of their expression.

Communication is the most important source of power. Many businesses and organizations almost collapsed because of failures due to poor communication between business executives and employers. Employees show high burn-out and stress levels, dissatisfied and disengaged employees.

Effective communication is achieved when there is an increase and attainment of personal mastery. To increase personal mastery, one would have to change attitude and perspective. Leaders and organizations need to maintain openness to engage their colleagues, employees, and customers.

Communication is a significant part of relationship building. The most important relationship is our relationship with our inner self. Therefore, communication with the inner self should be maintained. How we communicate with our inner self determines how we communicate with others.

Positive thinking and reinforcement would help us deal with difficulties better. For example, if we believe in something, then those beliefs can either limit or be beneficial for us. A positive inner dialogue would project a more positive and supportive communication with others.

An example of maintaining effective communication is giving feedback or constructive criticisms. We should develop effective feedback. We should give and receive criticisms openly. Aside from that, we should take into consideration our emotions when giving feedback. Dealing with and taking care of emotions is one of the methods that personal mastery can achieve. Aside from that, personal mastery also helps an individual to look at things objectively.

Effective communication with the help of personal mastery can assist with the following:
• Effective problem-solving. Since you would communicate to your employers and co-employees about the real issues and problems, this can lead to a deeper understanding of the problem. A deeper understanding could lead to quicker and more effective problem-solving.

• Effective leadership. For a leader to set direction and influence the team and the organization, he or she should be able to develop better communication with them. Criticisms should be given as a form of suggestion and should be served as support, not as chastisement.

• Effective planning. Planning involves understanding the mission, vision, and goal of an individual, department, or organization. Bear in mind the guiding principles of the group when planning. However, people may have a different approach to everything. So, you have to properly communicate with each other to create and draw up an effective plan.

• Effective organizational development. Personal mastery is not only about personal and professional development and growth. An improvement in the personal and professional path of a person can have significant effects on the improvement of the group or organization.

Personal mastery helps a person develop themselves and be able to interact effectively with other people. It could help you become successful in life. The great thing about personal mastery is that it helps an individual develop healthy communication with their inner self and at the same reflect these changes on how they interact with others. The application of personal mastery in a person’s life can make dramatic and great changes.